Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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