you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
