Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
