You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
