i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
