Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
