I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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