well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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