Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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