i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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