He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
