I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
