Welp...herpes.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
