chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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