You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
