I'm really into asian looking animals
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
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