Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
