Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
