Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
