What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
