Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
My balls are so social today.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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