That's intense
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
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