are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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