He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
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...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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