how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
