woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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