The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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