Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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