my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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