You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I touched a dick in church today
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
