i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
