These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
