found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
