omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
