38 yer olds are good kisserssss
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
