Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
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You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Can you repeat that, but with context?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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