I'm jealous of your bromance
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
