You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
