Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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