Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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