No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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