Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
