Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize