Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
