Texts From Last Night

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  (213): View more from California

  The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.

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  (213): The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was. http://tfl.nu/j53u
  Replies (3) Good night (1496) Bad night (712)
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says

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  (229): whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says http://tfl.nu/6xum
  Replies (47) Good night (1489) Bad night (5583)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back

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  (732): really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back http://tfl.nu/dm4i
  Replies (34) Good night (968) Bad night (4506)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.

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  (519): We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job. http://tfl.nu/nll9
  Replies (2) Good night (2451) Bad night (1076)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.

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  (404): It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again. http://tfl.nu/gqov
  Replies (8) Good night (2053) Bad night (981)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite

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  (250): I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite http://tfl.nu/yccl
  Replies (4) Good night (1205) Bad night (1254)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?

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  (859): she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery? http://tfl.nu/4aiq
  Replies (24) Good night (6551) Bad night (915)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?

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  (717): How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling? http://tfl.nu/pzfw
  Replies (7) Good night (1678) Bad night (457)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  We won Spring Training 2013.

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  (609): We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them. (609): We won Spring Training 2013. http://tfl.nu/awkc
  Replies (3) Good night (756) Bad night (285)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.

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  (404): Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to. http://tfl.nu/ye3d
  Replies (5) Good night (585) Bad night (397)
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?

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  (971): Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art? http://tfl.nu/i4so
  Replies (4) Good night (528) Bad night (284)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.

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  (732): He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man. http://tfl.nu/spji
  Replies (2) Good night (268) Bad night (426)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.

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  (215): Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise. http://tfl.nu/k2tj
  Replies (0) Good night (335) Bad night (439)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"

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  (306): you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!" http://tfl.nu/t9vt
  Replies (1) Good night (754) Bad night (618)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.

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  (207): If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too. http://tfl.nu/gosa
  Replies (0) Good night (408) Bad night (725)

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