I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
