Texts From Last Night

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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra

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  (717): im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra http://tfl.nu/5ubo
  Replies (25) Good night (980) Bad night (3757)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.

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  (443): He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep. http://tfl.nu/lshi
  Replies (27) Good night (1499) Bad night (4897)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....

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  (803): The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german.... http://tfl.nu/l2d8
  Replies (42) Good night (13005) Bad night (1068)
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  (716): View more from New York

  So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.

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  (716): So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it. http://tfl.nu/lnan
  Replies (18) Good night (2161) Bad night (6030)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once

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  (417): I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka (479): I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once http://tfl.nu/xq51
  Replies (10) Good night (6015) Bad night (850)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business

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  (252): My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business http://tfl.nu/rc0p
  Replies (5) Good night (2626) Bad night (940)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.

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  (406): At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa. http://tfl.nu/1ggh
  Replies (3) Good night (1671) Bad night (606)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib

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  (843): my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib http://tfl.nu/rp9w
  Replies (12) Good night (1541) Bad night (710)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"

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  (306): I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth" http://tfl.nu/c8fv
  Replies (6) Good night (1867) Bad night (788)
• Favorite

  (+34): View more from Spain

  First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?

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  (+34): First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here? http://tfl.nu/wg03
  Replies (8) Good night (2260) Bad night (939)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men

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  (541): I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men http://tfl.nu/fivt
  Replies (14) Good night (951) Bad night (1846)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.

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  (330): Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea. http://tfl.nu/fh7u
  Replies (2) Good night (765) Bad night (385)
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.

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  (641): I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it. http://tfl.nu/0z7a
  Replies (5) Good night (348) Bad night (741)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.

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  (612): I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week. http://tfl.nu/fbwq
  Replies (3) Good night (254) Bad night (455)
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  (631): View more from New York

  10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.

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  (631): 10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists. http://tfl.nu/k224
  Replies (5) Good night (844) Bad night (234)

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