somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
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I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
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Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo