He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
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We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
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I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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