I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night