oh god the rape fog is back!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
