Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
