So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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