I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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