She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
