just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
