Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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