I hate all girls vehemently.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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