I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
