i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize