I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
