doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
